Well, hello there, blogland! Fancy meeting you here! Well, maybe not you necessarily, but definitely me--- once again, I have found myself MIA!
I apologize. I could give you the millions of excuses about how I've been SOO busy, how my children have managed to contract every form of flu and cold imaginable this year (and so generously passed on a couple of the strands to me), or how I just can't seem to find the time. But, I won't bore you with those agonizing details. Instead, we will keep this light and uplifting. At least, that's the goal.
For all of you who follow me on instagram (@cindylookyloo) or Facebook (cindy mccauley), you may have noticed this little gem last week:
Where I told you I was off on a girls weekend adventure with a friend of mine.
Girls Weekend? What? I know, some of you are puzzled by the mere idea of getting away for a whole weekend, sleeping in a huge and luxurious bed by yourself, and not having to make said bed in the morning. WHAT ON EARTH WAS I DOING, you ask?
Well, the gf and I were off on an adventure to Time Out For Women. You know, time out- where you send your children when they've been naughty or you just need a break from shenanigans. Ya, that's where I went. Only this time-out consisted of a lot of other women breaking away from the hysteria for a moment, some wonderful speakers, and some A-MAZ-ING musical numbers.... ahhh, just remembering time-out makes me yearn for more. I really don't understand why the boys detest it so much!
Back to the wonderful speakers. I seriously came home a changed woman- it was great. Ok, at least for the drive home and, well, 30 minutes after- I was ON TOP OF THE WORLD! What could they possibly say that was so amazing, you ask?
I'm glad you asked, because I've decided to randomly share the tidbits of gold that have changed my life for the better from this glorious women's retreat!
First up: Richie Norton
Let me tell you, when Richie stepped onto the stage, I laughed. He's a total surfer dude, accent and all, and I did not think he could possibly share anything life-altering with me.
ah-hem.. i was wrong.
Richie talked about being the AUTHENTIC YOU. This is the very best version of you that you dream about and hope to be someday. He says, this is YOU, the other you that is a little more flawed and damaged is just the authentic you hidden under doubt and fear.
Embrace the AUTHENTIC YOU.
One thing that hinders the "authentic you" is fear. What are you afraid of? Failure? The unknown? What others think of you?
Break down your fear and overcome it.
**Courage does not mean you fear nothing, it means that you don't let the fear stop you**
STUPID is the new COOL
If you have an idea and you are afraid of being stupid, it's probably an AMAZING idea- DO IT!
Now, what does fear have to do with me? If you know me very well, you're probably just laughing. I FEAR EVERYTHING. I'm afraid of the dark, mice terrify me, I have serious issues with heights, the list goes on and on.
While none of those fears are really halting my progression through life, I do have fears that are. And I have decided to not only face them, but to break them down and conquer them.
Fear 1: my foot.
WHAT? That's not a fear.
Well, my friend, let me explain......
7th grade me:
*looked like the middle hanson brother
*obsessed with Kobe Bryant
*average dorky "tom boy"
Yeaaaahh, let's just say it wasn't pretty. After my totally awesome 7th grade self got injured doing some sweet roller blading stunts (don't be jealous), the x-ray showed some not so totally awesome news. I had a hole in my bone at the base of my left leg. Blah blah blah surgery at stanford, filled bone with marrow/corral, blah blah blah everyone called me fish foot.
Well, that was all fine and dandy, but as awesome as getting out of running the mile was, I desperately wanted to get back into sports. Pronto.
Less than a year later, my Dr cleared me, and I did just that. YA, BUDDY. I was back and I was going to be AHMAZZING (sing-song voice).
Fast forward through many long and grueling track practices.
Here it was. The day I had been waiting for. I was going to SCHOOL these chicks. Stretch out, warm up, line up. GO!
I started out CRUISING down the lane. Everything was going just as planned- I was ahead! (that's really the only plan when running). Step, step, step JUMP! Step, step, step JUMP! If you've never ran hurdles, let me just tell you that the steps in between each hurdle are CRUCIAL. Each step preps you for the impending JUMP!
First hurdle down. Second hurdle down. Still ahead. SUCKAS! Third hurdle down. Step, step, step-twist-foot collapse-trip-grope the ground with every inch of exposed skin.
Clearly when the doctors at Stanford warned me that my foot might not ever be as strong again, I was SOMEWHERE ELSE.
As I went to catapult myself over the fourth hurdle, my foot collapsed, sending me more into-the-ground than over-the-hurdle. There was blood everywhere (thank you, San Luis dirt track). My coach rushed to the side line to scream at me to keep going- #1 rule in track is that you finish the race. However, my foot would not work. I tried to hold it together as she half-carried me to the bathroom and as the women in the bathroom shrieked at all of the blood (clearly my date with the ground didn't go so well, I had managed to gash my legs and arms everywhere)
I tried to laugh and joke it off. But, it hurt. I was not only humiliated, but my body had failed me. I was frustrated. This was not my foot, this was a cruel replacement that randomly gave out at really inconvenient times.
Well, I was determined to play something, but the more sports I tried, the more times my foot gave out and the more hesitant and scared I got. In case you're wondering, great athletes are not made through hesitation and fear. Goodbye soccer, basketball and track.
Ok, this is sounding really whiney- not the intention. I went on to cheer for several years and LOVED it. So, don't be sad for my poor lame left foot.
However, to this day, the idea of running in a race TERRIFIES ME. I see
the ground that hurdle so vividly and all of the emotions come back to me. I simply just tell myself that I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't.
Let's be honest. I'm too scared to try, I'm too scared to try, I'm too scared to try.
Well, the gig is up. And what am I going to do to overcome this fear?
Richie said to CRUSH fear and to start with feared things first.
10k marathon for foster children coming up (a cause I LOVE)
At first I told Jeffe a million reasons why I could not do this and why running 6 point whatever miles is so BEYOND my comfort zone.
What did Jeffe say?
Yes, you can.
Next, Richie says to break down your fear into manageable ideas.
So, one mile at a time we are training and building up the endurance. Just last night, during our 2 mile run, I told Jeff I couldn't go any further. I just wanted to stop.
What did he say?
Yes, you can.
AND I DID! As soon as we reached the end he turned to me and said, "aren't you glad you didn't quit?!" Of course, my stubborn self said, "NO!" But really, I was. It was 2 miles on CONCRETE, which is huge for me and my crazy foot.
**Courage means you don't let fear stop you**
So friends, here I go. I am signing up for the first race in THIRTEEN years since my hurdling debacle. Am I scared? Of course. Can I do it? YES, I can!
Do you want to join me in conquering fears? Tell me your fears and let me help to encourage you! Feel free to send happy thoughts my way as I train for my 10k coming up at the end of April. Even feel free to come and watch me fall on the beach, which is definitely a possibility, and always funny. Will that be a total epic failure? Maybe to some. To me, the only failure will be in not going out there and trying.
In the words of Mr Norton:
CRUSH YOUR FEAR!
GO START SOMETHING STUPID!
Well, my Little Lookys, I hope this has sparked something in you. I can't wait to share some of my other random fears and tidbits with you as I overcome them. I also can't wait to share the pic of me crossing the finish line in april- so be sure and hold me accountable! ;)
Have a wonderful day!
xoxo, Loo Who